11 Valentine’s Cards From The Animal Kingdom
We’re not the only romantic species. Warning: This post contains bad puns.
1. For somebirdy you love:
Albatrosses are possibly the most romantic animal out there. They spend their first 5 years at sea, and then return to their birth place to find a mate. They might spend years “dancing” with potential lovers to find the one they want to spend the rest of their life with. Birds can be anywhere between 6 and 12 years old when they finally settle down.
2. From you to your otter half:
Sea otters often hold hands to stop themselves drifting apart when napping, which is the cutest thing ever, but despite this otters aren’t a very romantic animal. The male holds the female with his jaws while they have sex, which can result in female otters having permanent scars on their noses.
3. For the one you puffer*:
Japanese pufferfish work for 24 hours a day to create their sandcastles, all just to impress their ladies. Do you love your Valentine that much?
*Like “For the one you prefer” geddit? Sorry.
4. For someone you want to sea everyday:
Some seahorses mate for life. They will reaffirm their bond every morning when the female comes to the male’s territory. They then spin around each other and hold tails. Also the male is the one who gets pregnant, and if that isn’t a romantic gesture I don’t know what is.
5. For the one who says, “Owl be there for you.”:
Azara’s owl monkeys are one of the few primates that mate for life. They are nocturnal monkeys, and as well looking a bit like owls they also sometimes make an owl-like hoot to communicate.
6. For the one who worms your heart:
Flatworms aren’t very romantic, but they do fight for their love…in a way. Flatworms all have the ability to be male or female, during mating two flatworms will fight to play the male role, as being a male flatworm requires less energy. They do this by trying to stab each other with their dual penises. Not so cute, but each to their own!
7. For the one who gives you a bonobo:
Bonobos show that polygamy can be just as romantic as monogamy. Bonobos engage in oral sex, open mouth kissing, and like to mate face to face, which in animal terms is more romantic than most.
8. For the one you want to be nest to:
Male bowerbirds build some pretty elaborate structures in the hope of finding a mate. They also fill their nests with trinkets. They favour blue objects, probably to match their damn fine feathers. When the female comes to inspect the nest she’ll often pick up some of her favourite objects.
9. For the one you find crabtivating.
Horseshoe crabs might not look like the romantic type, but they always have sex on the beach. And they prefer to do it under a full or new moon.
10. For the one who has peng-won your love.
Male Adelie penguins spend months building special rock nests to attract a mate, even stealing the best rocks from other males. Once they have chosen they will mate for the entire season.