Jim Carrey’s ‘Cold Dead Hand’ song released; Mocks Charlton Heston, gun owners

http://twitter.com/#!/markmatsusaka/status/316119130610757632

Funny?

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Cold Dead Hand with Jim Carrey from Jim Carrey

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In case you couldn’t stomach watching the video, it mocks Charlton Heston and gun owners, natch.

@jimcarrey how can you possibly disrespect Heston?

— Carol (@carol_jumps) March 24, 2013

Jim [email protected] disses Heston who marched with MLK, was a WWII Navy ariel gunner, & became Prez of NRA- US’s oldest civil rights group.

— Larry Elder (@larryelder) March 24, 2013

Tolerance! But Carrey is so much Smarter Than You, you see. And, you know, cowardly.

@mrpeterconlon @jimcarrey Yeah, back then “speaking out” actually meant the artist–Newman, Brando, Heston– ran a risk of hurting career.

— Larry Elder (@larryelder) March 24, 2013

Some of the lyrics:

‘It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger. It takes a cold dead heart, and as near as I can figure, with your cold dead aim, you’re trying to prove your [blank] is bigger. But we know: Your chariot may not be swingin’ low.

It also talks about how Charlton Heston couldn’t get to heaven because the angels couldn’t pry his gun out of his cold dead hand.

Classy.

As we reported, Jim Carrey announced the release of this song, ‘Cold Dead Hand’ by proclaiming it was for “heartless mothef**kers” who are “unwilling to bend for the safety of our kids.” Promoting oneself by exploiting tragedies? Totally not heartless, according to the “Dumb and Dumber” (emphasis on dumber) star.

Hypocrisy? No big whoop!

@garyebarber It’s unloaded, fyi! ;^}

— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) March 25, 2013

Carrey continued to pimp the song and video via Twitter all last night, while exposing his own hypocrisy.

‘COLD DEAD HAND’ Hits ‘Funny Or Die’ at 12:01am tonight! What are you afraid of? It’s just a funny little song!2;^… say.ly/zju5rsV

— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) March 25, 2013

@jimcarrey Unable to locate #ColdDeadHand on @funnyordie.

— Christopher Goolsby (@ChrisGoolsby) March 25, 2013

Video uploading shortly.

— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) March 25, 2013

A fan weighs in, after Carrey whined.

@jimcarrey and loved Jim……..you are so very, very loved by those who count…….:o)COLD DEAD HAND IS THE WORK OF GENIUS!!

— Ratty (@peacefulplace) March 25, 2013

Believe in freedom and the Second Amendment? You don’t count. You are an “other,” you see.

The sane had a different take:

Jim Carrey thinks your gun ownership is a form of penis envy! HA! #imdyinglaughing #orIwasthefirsttimesomeonemadethatjoke

— Emily Zanotti (@emzanotti) March 25, 2013

U give urself 2 much credit. You haven’t been funny in yrs. RT @jimcarrey: ‘COLD DEAD HAND’ What r you afraid of? just a funny little song!

— Scott Stuart (@Photogoofer) March 25, 2013

If there was any question as to whether or not @jimcarrey‘s career is over this should answer it: m.funnyordie.com/videos/0433b30…

— Chris (@CPD175) March 25, 2013

Indeed. There are other questions that remain unanswered, though. As Dana Loesch asked, “will you denounce your violence-glorifying film ‘Kick Ass 2′, Mr. Carrey?” Answer the question, Jim.

Update: He just can’t seem to help himself. The jackass is strong with this one.

G’morning!Hope you’re enjoying Cold Dead Hand.FYI,my bodyguard doesn’t have a hundred rounds in his clip.I wish u all a bullet free day! ;^}

— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) March 25, 2013

Update: Greg Gutfeld slams.

Comparing @jimcarrey to Charlton Heston is like comparing a wart to the Sistine Chapel. youtube.com/watch?v=og0QBl…

— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) March 25, 2013

Wow, @jimcarrey is desperate to please his masters. I wonder if he’s fed a liver snap every time he trashes law abiding Americans.

— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) March 25, 2013

Would @jimcarrey ever do a video mocking gangs for all the gun-related homicides? No. his cowardly desire for acceptance prevents it.

— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) March 25, 2013

@jimcarrey is an esteem vulture; using issues to fill his bottomless pit of insecurity. He’s as edgy as a frisbee.

— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) March 25, 2013

Click here to see more of Gutfeld’s brilliant smackdown.

Update: You can now buy the song on iTunes. That’s right. For purchase: More profiting off of tragedy, Jim? No word yet if all proceeds go to charity.

And, a rough transcript of ‘Cold Dead Hand’ for those who can’t stomach the video. It is hurl-worthy:
MAN 1: Why did the ventriloquist quit drinking?

MAN 2:  Cause he acted like a real dummy.

HOST: Well hi-oh and howdy fine folks; welcome back to “Hee Haw.” We want to thank our special guest Charlton Heston (Jim Carrey) for joining us.

JIM CARREY (AS HESTON): Walter, It’s an absolute pleasure to be here in this site of God on “Hee Haw,” but who would be laughing if it weren’t for the patriots who answer the call of freedom …

HOST: Well I….

JIM CARREY (AS HESTON): The aliens, they would exploit our every weakness and suck the brains out of every living soul. They’d be laughing, but not like you and me. They’d go: [makes alien noises]

HOST: Well, we wanna leave you with the sweet as molasses sounds of a band I’m sure you’re all gonna like. Hens and roosters, lend an ear to Lonesome Earl and the Clutterbusters.

[Music begins].

JIM CARREY (AS EARL): Some folks ride like the wind
when the whisping pines do guide them,
and the burning light inside them
leaves them warm in the snow.

Others fear the sounds they hear,
make banditos out of mole hills,
fill their hearts with porcupine quills;
they’re dead and buried long before they go.

Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand,
and his immortal soul may lay forever in the sand.
The angels wouldn’t take him up to heaven like he planned
’cause they couldn’t pry that gun from his cold dead hand.

JIM CARREY (AS HESTON): What did he say.

JIM CARREY (AS EARL): It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger.
takes a cold dead heart, and as near as I can figure
with your cold dead aim you’re trying to prove your dick is bigger,
but we know: your chariot may not be swingin’ low.

Cold dead hand, cold dead hand
Cold dead hand, cold dead hand
You’re a big dick man with a little bitty gland
so you need something bigger just to fill your cold dead hand

JIM CARREY (AS HESTON): They’re making fun of everything I hold dear

JIM CARREY (AS EARL): Imagine if the Lord were here
and he knew what you’ve been thinkin’
would his sacred heart be sinkin’
into the canyon of dismay?

And on the ones who sell the guns
he’d stick the vultures and coyotes.
Only the devil’s true devotees
could profiteer from pain and fear.

Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand,
and his immortal soul may lay forever in the sand.
The angels wouldn’t take him up to heaven like he planned
’cause they couldn’t pry that gun from his cold dead hand.

It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger.
takes a cold dead heart, and as near as I can figure
with your cold dead aim you’re trying to prove your dick is bigger,
but we know: your chariot may not be swingin’ low.

JIM CARREY (AS ELLIOT): Hi, I’m Clearly Sam Elliot. Pay attention now braves, this boy’s got something to say, budding social satire; you couldn’t stand smooth. Enjoy the show. I’m a watch that sunset.

JIM CARREY (AS EARL): Cold dead hand, cold dead hand
Cold dead hand, cold dead hand
You’re a big dick man with a little bitty gland
so you need something bigger with a hairpin trigger.
You don’t wanna get caught with your trousers down
when a psycho killer comes around
So you make your home like a thunderdome
and you’re always packing everywhere you roam
but the psychos will no matter what you do
they’re gonna buy way more guns than you
And while you’re stumblin’ now to bed
They put five rounds in the back of your hair
and you get depressed [inaudible at ~5:00]
and you put your own shotgun in your mouth
And your kids walk in and they find you there
Like a headless lump in your underwear
And they move the gun and it kills them too
And your wife just doesn’t know what to do
So she takes a hand grenade from her shoe
And she pulls the pin

And it’s all on you, and your cold dead hand

[shotgun blast]

GIRL 1: Well what in the heck was that?

JIM CARREY (AS HESTON): I accidentally shot my foot off.

GIRL 2: Awww shoot. [crowd laughter]

Laughter. Unreal.

@dloesch @jimcarrey Spot on! Also Charlton Heston did more for civil rights than carrey has ever done

— Paul Leitner-Wise (@PaulLeitnerWise) March 25, 2013

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/03/25/jim-carreys-cold-dead-hand-song-for-heartless-motherfckers-released-mocks-charlton-heston-gun-owners/

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